I know what it feels like to be haunted.
I know about the most violent nights
Filled with fear,
A lack of self-control,
And the anger that follows
Could blind one’s eyes,
But before this
The other senses shut down.
They are the broken generator
Of what was once my eternal youth,
Like my inner haven,
And now I live in a state of despair.
I feel like a burn victim
Twice over,
The cinders mark my hair.
No longer do I listen to logical thought.
Yet I keep open wide, my heart.
It is the base of all my past wounds.
It is an entry site for more.
So loud this heavy head cries,
Still untrusting and hating
This unrest from the past,
These reddened eyes,
Inside this pale skin.
The ghosts of times past
Have stolen my pride
And taken my innocence out
Like a fierce rip tide.
My face still reflects your latest mood.
My sorrow still looks upon you
While my shame and guilt stand beside you.
It is a sad and haunted heart
That endures all of this,
Still trying to love you.


You say I cannot feel,
Yet the texture of my dress is soft
The skin on your face is rough.
You haven’t shaven for days.

With your seething emotions,
You shout out,
Penetrating my brain
With splinters of fear.
Your fists turned hard,
Ready to fight.

I cringed away.
And these are the silent messages you deliver,
The showing of your fists,
Because it is you who cannot feel
When it comes down to this.
You watch the tears cascade down my face,
And you simply turn away.

This is what love is all about.
And so this is why
I cannot feel.

Lauren Makarov Poetry Signature